Saturday, June 16, 2018

A word on why I refuse to change my profile photo....

Because I want to look like that again.... ok? I admit it, there in cyberspace...

Here is M's birth story in a nutshell: I gave birth to little Miss M at home, and no, mad respect to the women who plan natural births and want their babies at home, I did not choose to be one of these women!  I had a fabulous birth plan that included drugs, DRUGS, my friend, NOT the ONE REGULAR TYLENOL that I ended up having as my labour went from zero to a hundred.  Needless to say, she was born on our already stripped mattress (because my water broke LIKE THE MOVIES on it at 7 am, she was born at 5:25 pm... motherfucker).  After listening to some bizarre hypno-birth chakra shit on H's phone, I went from 2 cm at 1:30 pm when my midwife came to FULLY TRANSITIONED AND EFFACED by 3:30 pm at which point we called the midwife back and at 4 was basically like... "You are going to have the baby in the car or in an ambulance" at which point I calmly said, "We are not fucking moving and we are having the baby here"... where I then learned after the fact that H went into our living room swearing like a mofo and perhaps crying as he was texting our good friend I in Ottawa who basically said, "Omg, of course she is having it at home.  What a hippie!"... thanks supportive partner and best friend... hmph, imagine pushing a watermelon out of your you know what.. oh you can't.. because you both have penises!

Anyway... there are other fun facts that went along with this that I will save for another day but as my husband has implored today for me to "go back to the gym, you'll feel better" after complaining about my mood swings being a mama to a toddler... I look fondly on that photo and want to lie to you all out there that I still look like that rather than the haggard, mom-cutted, a la naturelle face that is framed with black and white stringy hair sitting on the couch close to 1 am with a glass of water and something a little extra mixed in to help me sleep.... you know what I mean?!

By the way, I really wish I had a TWIX right now.... doesn't that count as an energy-filled health snack?  Refined cocoa is totally in....

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